Coping with traumatic events – advice for all

Following a deeply disturbing or threatening event, or trauma, it is normal to feel distressed and overwhelmed. Traumatic events include actual or threatened death, serious injury to oneself or another person, or a threat to the personal beliefs of oneself or others.

Examples include violent assaults (e.g. sexual or physical assault, or mugging), torture and severe car accidents. Refugees who are fleeing their homes because of war and political problems may suffer from stress related to trauma.

Response to trauma may be embodied by an acute stress reaction, which is a short-lived condition that develops following a traumatic event. The symptoms begin within minutes of the traumatic event and can disappear within hours, days, or weeks.

Alternatively, they may develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which is a long-lasting anxiety response following a traumatic or catastrophic event.

PTSD usually develops within six months of the traumatic event. Once begun, PTSD is often a chronic disorder associated with significant disability and handicap, affecting relationships, work, and physical health. The speed of recovery is greater for individuals who have received professional treatment.

Children may also experience psychological reactions to a traumatic event. They react to scary events in many different ways, and there is no typical or normal reaction. Younger children, in particular, may find it very hard to understand what has happened to themselves, their parents, or siblings.

Like adults, they will have strong feelings. Unlike adults, they may not be able to articulate how they are feeling, and instead will express their feelings through their behaviour. When a family member experiences a trauma, everyone in the family is affected. It will take time for the family to adjust as they try to understand the reactions of other family members, and may have to learn to relate to each other in new ways.

Some common reactions from a child may be:

• being scared, especially at night or when away from parents
• being clingy and more dependent than usual
• ‘babyish’ behaviour that they have grown out of
• having nightmares and trouble sleeping
• wetting the bed
• having aches and pains
• being more naughty than normal
• being grizzly and whiny
• having tantrums and doing things to get attention from adults
• not doing as well as normal at school.

These problems are all normal reactions to an abnormal event that has touched the lives of the whole family. It is important not to get angry and blame the child for this behaviour.

Some suggestions for offering support include:

• spend time with the traumatised person and reassure them that they are safe
• offer support and listen to them, even if they haven’t asked for help
• don’t take it personally if they want to be alone sometimes
• don’t take their anger or other problems personally – they are part of the normal response to trauma
• tell them that you are sorry the event happened, and you want to understand and assist them.

If you were involved in the event, try to spend some time talking about what occurred with the other person/people. Try to express how you feel about what occurred, and about how you are feeling now.

Like adults, most children’s reactions go away with time. Parents and other adults can help a child recover in many ways:

• keep talking – about what is happening, how family members feel, and what they need from each other
  • this helps stop children from feeling alone, isolated, and misunderstood
• reassure them that they are safe and will be cared for
• listen and talk to them about the experience
  • honest, open discussion is best as the unknown is often more frightening than the reality for children
  • even very young children know that something is going on and, again, the reality is easier for them to deal with than the unknown
• some children will need extra encouragement or special attention, especially at bedtime
• allow kids to express how they feel
  • feelings are part of the healing process
  • support the child and allow them time to work through it.
• do things as a family and make sure time is kept for fun and rewarding times together
  • shared fun carries a family through many hard times.
• keep family roles clear
  • don’t allow a child to have too much responsibility for too long, even when they want to care for an upset parent or adult
• it is just as important not to become too overprotective of a child after a trauma
  • try to understand if they can’t do things for a while, like going to school, or helping at home, but talk about how they will get back to normal activities as soon as possible.

Like adults, most children will adapt and grow through crisis with the love and support of their family and friends. However, if a child’s reactions are particularly severe or prolonged, or if there are other concerns about the way that a child is reacting to a traumatic event, do not hesitate to contact someone who is trained to assess the situation and advise.